I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
