even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize