Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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