i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
