High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
