it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
