I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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