Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
