I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
