Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
