just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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