I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
