Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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