once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
