No stitches, just platelets and will power
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
