Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize