my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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