all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
