Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
