i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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