just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
