I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
