I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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