I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
