...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
