Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize