Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
