i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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