What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
