And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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