i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
