he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
