saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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