Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
