Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
