i permit you to call me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.