i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say