If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
