Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
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Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life