absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
