She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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