Where did you get a picture of my penis
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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