yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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