Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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