Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I can text with my tongue
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
