Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
