Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize