His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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