Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You took a bar mat shot.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
