Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just high enough for therapy.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
