shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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