How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
