The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Come see our sink grown plant.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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