Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
