im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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