I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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