it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im six kinds of drunk right now
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
