im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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