im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
