I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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