quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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