you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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