dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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